Saturday, September 20, 2014

Is two always better than one?

I have been single since like FOREVER! I have struggled with this aspect of my life for many years; and last year, my annoyance at my single status led me to do things that I deeply regret. I was fed up with myself. I felt a lot of peer and societal pressure. Most of my friends were in a relationship or had been in one at some point. Don't get me wrong, my friends never made me feel worthless because of my inability to date; I felt hopeless myself. Living in Belgium also didn't help because it's a public displays of affection (PDA) heaven! Couples looovvveee to flaunt their affection wherever and whenever they can and there is just so much negativity about singleness in society. So it was difficult to be a happy single in such an environment.

 But all that has changed, now I embrace my singleness and all the highs and lows that come with it. It's no longer like a disease that I am ashamed of and desperately desire to cure. Why don't I mind being single? How have I come to terms with my single status? Well, it didn't happen overnight, I did some research and brainstorming and I came up with a list.

  1.  I stopped comparing and envying my friends and all the couples that couldn't keep their hands to themselves. As long as I compared, I was starved for affection. I became bitter and rushed into things I was not ready for. Instead, I am happy for them when their relationships are a success. Romans 12:15 encourages us to "rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep."
  2.  I no longer look to society as a guide. Romans 12:2 reminds me "to not copy the customs of this world." So what if I have never dated? 
  3.  Singleness is NOT a problem! Being single doesn't mean I lack something. My identity is not found in relationships. A relationship doesn't make me more valuable,  it doesn't complete me. It will not solve all my problems, nor will it result in some sort of stamp of approval. Instead, my identity, satisfaction and fulfillment are in Christ. He is the one who: causes me to be called a child of God (Romans 8:15-17; Ephesians 1:3-6), quenches my thirst (John 4:14) and fills my life (John 10:10).
  4.  I refuse to settle. I don't want to date for the sake of dating. I want to be with someone who truly knows Christ. A person who is committed so that we can pray and worship together, read the Bible together, have intimate talks, build each other up and so on. Marriage is my long term goal and therefore I desire someone who is also aiming for the ring and not the bed.
  5.  Singleness doesn't equate with selfishness. Being single means I have more time to serve God and others (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). I have fewer responsibilities therefore I can go on mission trips, church events, and volunteer whenever I want to.  
  6. Singleness is a season of preparation for marriage, not that anyone can be completely ready for it. I need to grow in patience, humility and communication to name a few. I can also use this time to learn the in and outs of marriage from married people. I would like to be the godly woman that a godly man deserves. However, I do keep in mind that this is not the only season to grow. Growth is a continuous phenomenon. 
 This list can continue but these 6 items are the most relevant to me right now and I highly recommend every single person to take some time to write their own because it has been a life  changing experience for me and I wouldn't want you to miss out. Writing this changed my perspective on singleness for the better, it can change yours too.
 
 Comments and questions are always welcome! I will try to reply as soon as possible :)



 A big thank you to my sources:
ChaseGodtv: almost all the videos about relationships on YouTube. 
Sarah Allen: Singleness: Lies, Truth and Your Identity on YouTube.
Yatta Montrell: My Patience is a Virtue on The Praying Woman.