Fighting the Right Way

Confession.

I struggle with perfection. 

So much so that I spent most of last year hiding my mess from God. I found it hard to go to God with my struggles. My (inner) battles. I was convinced He didn't want to see nor  know about them; that He wanted me to have it all together. I thought I had to fight alone, which I tried a couple of times and every time I lost miserably; even if I started on a good note, it was never long before I failed. It didn't matter how determined I was or how much preparation I had, the result was always the same. Failure. My continuous failure took away whatever willpower I had to continue fighting and so I gave up.

 But now I realise that I was believing a series of lies. 

First, I was convinced that God didn't want me to share my mess with Him but I realise now that with intimacy comes vulnerability. If I was in close fellowship with God, which I wasn't, I would have known that He wanted me to tell Him about my mess and ask Him for help. Just as we tend to open up more, the more we know a person, so it is with God. The deeper our relationship with Him is, the more likely that we'll share our very hearts with Him. 

Secondly, I thought I could conceal my struggles but now I realise that there is no point in hiding anything from God because He knows and sees it all (Hebrews 4:13, Psalm 139). Inside of hiding things from God, we should be taking these things to Him and asking Him for power to overcome them. Praying for conviction also otherwise our hearts become hardened.   

Thirdly, I assumed that God didn't understand me nor my struggles but now I realise that He knows my frame. After all He made me. God knows both our strengths and weaknesses. I know that I need His help and for me to think that He doesn't want to help me is very wrong; after all Christ came at a time when we were utterly helpless (Romans 5:6). Without His strength, if we don't rely on the Holy Spirit, we will eventually fail. It is the Holy Spirit who enables us to overcome the power of sin through Christ (Romans 8:2).

Finally, although I knew that God's love for me was unconditional, I believed that He surely couldn't love the mess that I was. But God loves us so so much. I found and still find this the hardest truth to grasp fully. God's love for the individual is so vast! When I lost my battles, I somehow thought that I had let God down and that He probably didn't want anything to do with me. I was a failure after all. However, He loves me despite my faults. He loved me when I was His enemy and His love for us all was revealed in Jesus' death on the cross (Romans 5:8). If He loved me so then, what more now that I am His child? God's love for me isn't a blank cheque to sin as much as I want, it's actually the contrary. His love for me should motivate me to love Him back, and that means keeping His commandments (Romans 6, John 14:15-26; 15:10-17; 1John 2:5).

So to make a long story a bit short, God is teaching me to fight the right way. With Him. We are not meant to fight our battles on our own, don't make the mistake I made. Invite Him in. You can only kill a Goliath with a stone when you know whose you are and Who is on  your side!

This song by Steffany Gretzinger: Out of Hiding (Father's Song) summarizes what I just wrote perfectly. I also love this song by Positive on a similar theme: Two Man Army. Last but not least this beautiful sermon by Kim Walker Smith (I didn't even know that she preached??!!): The Art of Vulnerability. Check them out!

What lies have you believed about battles? What truths has God shown you? Leave a comment below!

Blessings 💜

Resolutions: changing for the better

Hello there!😊


My purpose for this blog is deeply rooted in my previous post (click on the link if you haven't read it: 2016: Reflections & Resolutions), in which I mentioned the importance writing down a resolutions list and reviewing it regularly. I also mentioned a lesson I learned last year, that lasting change begins, continues and ends with the Holy Spirit.

 I have already started working on my resolution list, and it's already pretty long although it's not done..and that's kind of scary BUT the good thing is that most of the points are interconnected, so we'll just call it detailed instead of long 😉.  And these past days, God has been pointing out things to me that need to change...things that I didn't consider when I started writing. God wants me to change for the better and He is initiating that change, and that perfectly aligns with what I wrote about lasting change. The things that He has been pointing out are so deep and definitely something that needs to be worked on before I find myself in worse situations. I see that God is giving me another chance or a grace period and I am so thankful for it. I see them as "God's resolution list" for me and I'll be sharing them in the coming posts.

So this whole, "God's resolution list" kind of shocked me and I was wondering if it's Biblical and it actually is. Let me explain. I was reminded of these verses from Psalm 139.

Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; 

Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—then guide me on the road to eternal life.

God knows us our hearts through and through. He knows everything about us. He can examine our lives and point out things that are wrong in our lives and He can lead us on the road to right road. 

So as good as it is to write lists from our view, we have an incomplete view of ourselves. Therefore, I encourage you to ask God to point out areas as you write your list. Some of you may be thinking that it's too far into the new year to write or to be talking about resolutions or even to make them. But let me remind you that we have 340 days left of the year, and January isn't over yet!😁 It's never too late to want to change for the better, and we don't have to wait for a new year to make resolutions. Everyday is an opportunity to do better. And last but not least, let us ask God to guide us so that we can live out the resolutions that we have.

Blessings 💜

2016: Reflections & Resolutions

Helloo there!

I hope you had a lovely celebration and are super duper excited for 2017! I am slowly loading my excitement bar and simultaneously downloading my thankfulness bar 😊.

God was good to me, my family and friends in 2016 in so many ways. He has provided us with family unity and laughter, great friends, good health, finances, jobs... you name it! He did it! And I am grateful for these two highlights:  I GOT ENGAGED! and am FINISHING MY MASTER'S DEGREE (bye bye university! hehehehe) and also for my FRIENDS! Mehn, I love my friends especially my sister! They have taught me so much about life! They have built me up in so many ways and encouraged me when I was low. God has used them to mold and shape me. So much to be grateful for! God is good, all the time!!!

 As good as 2016 was to my family, it wasn't all cherries and roses mainly but not only, because my sweet Mbuya (grandmother) passed away. We didn't see her death coming, it happened so fast but still we are thankful for her life. She was an amazing mother and grandmother who is dearly missed! I thank God that my parents were settled in Zambia when it happened. He moved them from Suriname only two years ago. I thank Him because we got to spend time with her and to enjoy her. She was an inspirational believer, a role model to me and others and I believe she is enjoying herself in heaven right now!

Although we are already in 2017, I encourage and challenge you to still take some time aside to reflect on 2016 month by month if you haven't, both the good and bad events and to be grateful. A friend of my recently told me something very profound, "In the night sky, the stars shine and glisten, radiating like diamonds in the sky. There are treasures in the night. Dark times are not to be feared, they have their treasures too."

With the ending of one year and the beginning of another comes: RESOLUTIONS! We all want to be or do better in some area or other in our lives.  And that's good. It's good to want change for the better. I usually write up a list of things I want to progress in spiritually, physically, emotionally, academically ... and review it now and then. I actually need to work on taking more time to review. Nevertheless, one very important thing I learned last year is that lasting change starts and continues with the Spirit. You can't do it without Him. If you want to grow in some area, or if you are not sure of which areas you need to grow in; ask God and He will show you and help you mature in it. Start, continue and end with Him. When you fail, don't beat yourself down, get up and try again. Never ever give up!

 Goodbye 2016. Hello 2017!