Fighting the Right Way

Confession.

I struggle with perfection. 

So much so that I spent most of last year hiding my mess from God. I found it hard to go to God with my struggles. My (inner) battles. I was convinced He didn't want to see nor  know about them; that He wanted me to have it all together. I thought I had to fight alone, which I tried a couple of times and every time I lost miserably; even if I started on a good note, it was never long before I failed. It didn't matter how determined I was or how much preparation I had, the result was always the same. Failure. My continuous failure took away whatever willpower I had to continue fighting and so I gave up.

 But now I realise that I was believing a series of lies. 

First, I was convinced that God didn't want me to share my mess with Him but I realise now that with intimacy comes vulnerability. If I was in close fellowship with God, which I wasn't, I would have known that He wanted me to tell Him about my mess and ask Him for help. Just as we tend to open up more, the more we know a person, so it is with God. The deeper our relationship with Him is, the more likely that we'll share our very hearts with Him. 

Secondly, I thought I could conceal my struggles but now I realise that there is no point in hiding anything from God because He knows and sees it all (Hebrews 4:13, Psalm 139). Inside of hiding things from God, we should be taking these things to Him and asking Him for power to overcome them. Praying for conviction also otherwise our hearts become hardened.   

Thirdly, I assumed that God didn't understand me nor my struggles but now I realise that He knows my frame. After all He made me. God knows both our strengths and weaknesses. I know that I need His help and for me to think that He doesn't want to help me is very wrong; after all Christ came at a time when we were utterly helpless (Romans 5:6). Without His strength, if we don't rely on the Holy Spirit, we will eventually fail. It is the Holy Spirit who enables us to overcome the power of sin through Christ (Romans 8:2).

Finally, although I knew that God's love for me was unconditional, I believed that He surely couldn't love the mess that I was. But God loves us so so much. I found and still find this the hardest truth to grasp fully. God's love for the individual is so vast! When I lost my battles, I somehow thought that I had let God down and that He probably didn't want anything to do with me. I was a failure after all. However, He loves me despite my faults. He loved me when I was His enemy and His love for us all was revealed in Jesus' death on the cross (Romans 5:8). If He loved me so then, what more now that I am His child? God's love for me isn't a blank cheque to sin as much as I want, it's actually the contrary. His love for me should motivate me to love Him back, and that means keeping His commandments (Romans 6, John 14:15-26; 15:10-17; 1John 2:5).

So to make a long story a bit short, God is teaching me to fight the right way. With Him. We are not meant to fight our battles on our own, don't make the mistake I made. Invite Him in. You can only kill a Goliath with a stone when you know whose you are and Who is on  your side!

This song by Steffany Gretzinger: Out of Hiding (Father's Song) summarizes what I just wrote perfectly. I also love this song by Positive on a similar theme: Two Man Army. Last but not least this beautiful sermon by Kim Walker Smith (I didn't even know that she preached??!!): The Art of Vulnerability. Check them out!

What lies have you believed about battles? What truths has God shown you? Leave a comment below!

Blessings 💜